Every individual usually approaches marriage with the expectation that it will last. However according to data from the Government-run National Survey of Family Growth collected between 2006 and 2010, more than 20% of first-time marriages collapse within the first 5 years while 48% of marriages collapse within the first decade. Though separations and divorces are usually emotionally distressing, it is possible to have a very healthy breakup with your partner.
How, you ask?
The foundation for a healthy divorce is usually anchored on three main pillars; Cooperation, Communication and Mediation.
The end of a marriage usually brings a lot of anxiety, frustration, grief and angst. These feelings and emotions can arise when you least expect them. If you are experiencing any or several of these emotions, remember that it is normal. In most cases, these feelings usually subside over time. To get through these emotions, ensure that you are kind and compassionate on yourself. This is the best way to get over the day-to-day difficulties of divorce.
Next, do not look at divorce proceedings as an opportunity to fight with your partner. Meditating matters with your partner can prove to be a great alternative to court proceedings. Given that you already have irreconcilable differences with your partner, consider engaging a neutral mediator instead of trying to solve matters by yourself. Existing research shows that mediation is a great way to get emotional satisfaction as well as handle outstanding issues with your partner especially if there are children involved.
Though you may not feel like seeing or discussing matters with your soon-to-be ex, communicating and cooperating with your partner usually makes for healthy divorce proceedings. A skilled psychologist can help you reach mutual agreements on how to handle the divorce with minimum conflict.
Note that talking with your partner can be hard when your emotions are running high. It is recommended that you write down a list of all the things that you want to discuss with your partner when you are calm. You should use this list as a guide once you meet with your partner. If you do not feel like discussing matters with your partner, consider using other modes of communication that do not require your physical presence such as email.
Tips on How to Handle Divorce When Kids Are Involved
Divorce proceedings are usually a traumatic experience for young kids. Research suggests that most children will adjust to the realities of a breakup within two years after a divorce. Research also shows that children are more likely to develop problems if their parents remain in a high-conflict union instead of breaking up. There are a lot of things that you can do to make your divorce easier on your kids – key among them being insulating them from conflicts with your partner. Remember that ongoing parental conflicts can lead to children developing social and psychological issues in the long run. Visit Claritychi.com for advice and help when going through divorce.
Ideally, you and your partner should come up with a plan on how the divorce will proceed and explain potential effects of the break up to your kids. Ensure that you keep an open line of communication with kids during the entire divorce process.
Note that sudden changes can be hard on your children. Before making any impromptu decisions such as moving out of your matrimonial home, consider giving your kids a few weeks’ notice. Additionally, consider introducing changes gradually
Children also develop better when they are in contact with both of their parents. If kids have a poor relationship with one parent, they are likely to have a harder time dealing with changes that come with a breakup. One of the ways that you can help your kids cope with divorce is to enroll for a parent education program that focuses on improving the relationship between kids and their parents.
Lastly, do not forget to take care of yourself …
The changes brought about by a breakup can be overwhelming. During this period, it is crucial that you take care of yourself. Consider approaching your friends and trusted circles for assistance and emotional support. You can also join a formal support group for additional help.
To get through the aftermath of a divorce easily, consider taking part in activities that you love and enjoy but have not done for a while. During this period, you can try out new hobbies. Additionally, do not forget to eat healthy and exercise.
Another thing that you can try is speaking to a psychologist. A psychologist can help you and your children deal with your emotions and adjust better to the changes that your divorce will herald. Additionally, they can also help you identify what went wrong in your union so that you do not repeat these mistakes once you enter into a new relationship.